So I’m sitting here on my friend’s couch in Austin with my hair up and a face mask on, listening to Waterfalls by TLC. I am currently couch surfing for another week until I can move into my new place. 💚
I was staying with a friend this summer in San Marcos, however before I could totally get back on my feet, I was abruptly asked to leave as soon as possible. I also received a phone call from the CEO of the company I worked for part-time with unfortunate news – they had to let me go due to ‘restructuring of the company.’ I’m honestly surprised I did not have another mental breakdown over this. Maybe it had to do with the fact that I already knew it was coming? (Instincts, always trust them.)
Do you know what’s keeping me going? What’s preventing me from completely giving up? There are two reasons, actually:
Since March, I have been hit with L after L after L, from losing my cat to realizing all the friends I lost after my ex and I broke up to barely being able to feed myself due the job market that is my degree. I endured emotional turmoil time and time again with what felt like no relief. But then it all hit me. After being told to ‘get out now,’ I confided in the few, close friends I have for help. One friend is lending her garage for my bed and other possessions since I cannot afford a storage unit. Another is letting me crash on his couch until I can move into my new place on the 18. My new place actually belongs to another old friend, who is lending her home to me while she and her boyfriend are in China (for a portion of the rent, of course.)
How great is it to have people in your life who care for you and do not want to see you struggle?
The second thing that is keeping me going is my mentality. To be honest with you all, I have been crying all summer. I have been crying for Theo, my kitty; crying for the pain of love and loss of friendships to cease; crying for a second job so I can pay my bills and eat at the same time without over-drafting my account.
But after the tears have run dry, after the heartache is numb, and after the stress of Adulting has consumed me a hundred times over, I was tired of being sad. I was done feeling like I was useless in this world. I didn’t want this life-changing move to the hill country to be all for not. I decided to make all the loss worth it.
After all, I’m living in one of the best cities in America. There are so many new adventures to be had here, new food to try, and a nightlife full of music. How can I not let the feeling of excitement consume me? I would rather be excited for a new chapter in my life than be sad that the last chapter is over.
And after all, who really has their shit together anyway? Everybody you meet is going through their own struggles one way or another, right?